The 12 Days of Fitness- do anywhere workout!!

Happy December, peeps!!!!!! Even though I am a freak and have all my Christmas shopping/wrapping done, the month of December always excites me to know that the big day is only weeks away. People put up twinkly lights and are just in good moods overall. The moral of this story: don't talk to anyone in January. They're all a-holes.

Today I bring you the 12 Days of Fitness Workout! You can do this anywhere- in your home, at the gym, in your Santa PJ's (don't pretend)... hell, you can do this naked for all I care. Just check with your gym and loved ones beforehand.

You will begin at step one- a Burpee ee ee eeeeeeeeeeee!!! (Sung like a partridge in a pear tree. Bonus points for singing. Naked.). You will then move to step two- 2 scissor abs and a burpee ee ee eeeeeeeeeee! Then step three- 3 crunches, 2 scissor abs and a burpee ee ee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I apologize for the annoying eeeeeeee's. But you get my drift. You will work your way up to step 12 and then complete all the exercises!!!

Here are videos of all the moves in case they aren't clear! Remember- start at 1 burpee and work your way UP!!

Bicycle Kicks:

Mountain Climbers (these are one-arm MCs- you can try this for an advanced version or put both hands under your shoulders!):

Running High Knees: Stationary jog. Go!

Push Ups:

Squat Jumps (option is to turn):

Dips-a-dippin:

Planks-a-twisting:

Hopping Lunges (leave in the knee or just jump directly into the lunge):

Speed Skaters:

Crunches: Hands on the ears, elbows wide, chin tucked into chest. Keep back straight as you lift up to the ceiling and bring your shoulderblades off the ground.

Scissor Abs:

Burpee (many modifications):

Check in with me and let me know how long it took you to complete!!!

So... I Birthed a Human.

Continued from the previous post, "So... I Had A Child."

My husband and I got to the triage about an hour after my water broke. Now at the time, I had about three pairs of pants that actually still fit me, and one was soaked. Well, before we left to go to the hospital, apparently my water wasn't finished. It wanted me to clean my floors again. So, I ruined my second pair of pants. I went and changed into the last pair of pants that still fit me, and thought about wearing a garbage bag to the hospital.

We got into one of the triage rooms (which happened to be big enough to fit a single bed, monitor, and chair... and nothing else) where we sat, still excited and nervous, for an hour. It was midnight and my adrenaline was pumping, and I was beginning to feel small, irregular contractions. It was happening!

My parents came to the hospital, and the four of us sat chatting in the teeny tiny room. I was hooked up to the monitor and had to unhook everything every time I had to go to the washroom (which was every twenty minutes or so).

Did I mention the teeny tiny room was boiling hot? And tiny?

I began labouring every 2-3 minutes, but my contractions were only about 15-20 seconds long. Again, something I wasn't prepared for. I was glad the contractions weren't too long, but I barely had time to catch my breath before the next one began. I also barely had enough time to tell my parents to suck it when they reacted with disappointment at the fact that I didn't want to play cards.

I was getting frustrated. Why were we still in this boiling hot, teeny tiny room when the birthing suite that I envisioned myself labouring in had plenty of room to walk, a wireless monitor, a private bathroom complete with jacuzzi tub, and room for me to use my stability ball and iPod dock? It seemed like a 5-star resort compared to this room. I wanted to book a flight.

We ended up blowing up the stability ball and that was helpful for contractions for about 3 seconds. I was so irritated, it was now 4am, and the contractions were getting unbearable. I asked my Mom to ask the nurse for an epidural.

The nurse came in and said, "So, you'd like something for the pain?" To which I replied, "Yes please."

"Oh. Well, you can't have an epidural until you are in a birthing room."

"THEN GET ME A #%$@ING ROOM!!!!!!!!" I yelled at the nurse (or at least that's how I remember it. I'm sure the look on my face also got this point across, as about half an hour later, we were finally going to a room).

I was relieved but disappointed to be getting a room. I had a completely different plan than what the past 6 hours had entailed. My husband thought it would be a great idea to put on some music while I used the washroom in our room. I had a playlist on my iPod titled, "Baby", so he figured this was my labour music.

This playlist was a joke that I made for a friend of mine's baby shower. Songs included "Push It" by Salt N' Pepa, "Baby" by Justin Bieber, and the song that was playing when I came out of the washroom: "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix A Lot.

My poor husband was such an amazing help, and so incredibly supportive, but this was just not what I wanted to hear. I grovelled, "turn..... that..... off" as him and my parents were dancing and rapping.

I finally got an epidural at 5am which allowed me to sleep for three 20-minute intervals. It was amazing.

Then, I got back labour.

If you've ever experienced back labour, then congratufuckinlations, because you are a champion. Holy hell, that hurt like a bitch. (Back labour is when your child's face is turned up instead of down, and consequently pushes on the nerves in your spine with every contraction. Oh and by the way, the epidural doesn't help with back labour). Thankfully, by about 8am, it was done and my baby had turned the right way naturally. Then it was time to push.

I was completely unprepared for the amount of PRESSURE I felt at the transition point in labour. It felt like I had gotten an inappropriate piercing "down there", only the piercing weighed as much as a 50lb. kettlebell. I would take the contractions over the pressure.

I pushed for 1 hour and 35 minutes, and it was the HARDEST workout of my entire life. The doctors and nurses were impressed with my pushing, whatever the hell that meant. An hour and thirty five minutes? Impressed? Excuse me while I push my fist into my face to relieve the pressure.

I had a very cliché experience when he was finally here, and that was that nothing else mattered. My maternal instinct immediately took over, and I was just so happy. He was here! It was 10:35am, so my labour was 12 hours from start to finish. My beautiful baby boy, Colton, weighed 7 lbs, 10 oz.

It was the hardest, and most rewarding thing I have ever done!

Cross that bitch off my list.

Oh and by the way, I soaked my third pair of pants while at the hospital. You're welcome.

My darling!!!! 

I'd lie in my huge guns too- I'll never be able to say that again. 

What is the hardest thing you've ever done? 

So... I Had A Child.

It's been 10 days of absolute whirlwind- and yes, I am a mom!

Introducing my baby boy, Colton!

Here he is- 3 hours old!!! 

If I could put into one word how becoming a parent feels, it would be WILD. Everything about it is wild. The fact that he is here- wild. The fact that my life will never be the same- wild. The fact that we made a HUMAN- wild. Just wild.

The whole process started as I took my husband out for dinner and a movie (read: went to Kelsey's at 5:30pm so we could be at the movies for 6:45pm, back home before 9 and in bed by 10. Party animals.). We went to see James Bond: Skyfall- and if you know me, this was a big deal- I don't like movies. Unless it's a horrible J-Lo romantic comedy.

Before going into the movies, I had a feeling that my water broke. I called my sister (who has three kids and is a nurse) and she sort of giggled at me and said that my water surely did not break, and if it had, I would know. I remember thinking to myself, um, I'm pretty sure I know my body and I think my water broke, thanks for nothing, sister. Anyways we went and watched the movie. Daniel Craig is delicious.

We got home and I went to get the laundry (even though my husband said to sit down and he would get it) but I, as always, wanted to prove that at 9 months pregnant I was able to do stuff. Well, I bent down to get the dry laundry and as I stood up, I heard a tiny "pop" sound.

Then, WHOOSH. Holy F. My sister was right. My water had DEFINITELY broke. I ran upstairs with the laundry and screamed MY WATER BROKE! MY WATER BROKE! at Carter, my feet standing in a pool. He laughed and said, "I can see that!" and proceeded to follow me upstairs with a towel. (For those of you who have visited since then, I did clean my floors).

We went to the hospital at about 11, scared, nervous, and excited. I was not prepared for my water breaking first- I was told that most likely I would start contractions before my water breaking. It was straight out of the movies. We lugged our backpacks, complete with stability ball, pillows, iPod dock, books, and other things to get me through the labour process and arrived at the hospital.

We went to triage first, and noticed there was no one there, which was great! We'd be in a birthing suite in no time.

We were wrong.

Colton and I- 2 days old! 

There is nothing hotter than seeing your man with your little man. I think my water just broke again. 

I'll continue the story on another day as it's taken me about 4 hours to write this! All worth it, though :)