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I am a momma-to-be, a teacher, fitness/yoga instructor, runner, celebrity stalker, chocolate lover, embarrassing dancer, wine guzzler, can't-live-without-my-girlfriends kind of girl. I also have a collection of high heels that strongly outweighs my collection of runners. My goal is to find balance in my life through health and exercise- and when I say balance, I mean kicking ass in the gym and enjoying food, wine, family, friends, and basking in celebrity news. Let's eat clean and do some craaahaaayzy workouts together... followed by a glass of wine.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

How to look hot and sexy on the beach.

Pin It Some of you know that I went on vacation with my family over the holidays. Now, since I have about 45 followers, I consider myself a giant celebrity, so I was prepared for my photo to be taken in a foreign country by my fans. Here, I show you how to keep it real on the beach.

1. Find the nearest pregnant woman, and pose beside her. Cue arm pose, and purse lips.

If no pregnant woman is available, force a stranger to shove a basketball up their onesie.
2. Only pose for photos in which you will receive an appearance fee.

That's right.

They gave us free drinks for this! It was like magic- we just went up to the bar, and ordered drinks. Totally hot star.
3. When posing in a bathing suit, pretend this baby is your child.

This child's thinking, "help me!"

I found her again! Perfect timing.
4. Work out on vacation.

Make sure you pose for the before photo...

And, the after. Even though this was mere minutes later, it makes you look hardcore.
5. Find your nearest hammock. It doubles as a cover up.

This poor child.
6. Do tequila shots. You won't give a @$#! what anyone thinks of you.

For example, I didn't notice at the time how proud Carter was of me.

7. Wear a ridiculously large hat to draw people's attention up.

Huge hat, low shirt. All I care about is more food to my right.

There you have it, friends.

And just when you think you couldn't handle a week's vacation away with your family, here's our family Christmas photo:

You're welcome.

I'm pretty sure I covered all of the important ones, but what are your tips to stay hot and sexy on the beach?