It's A...

So I have a bone to pick with people in general.

People say the dumbest sh*t to pregnant women.

"Oh, you ARE pregnant! I knew it! You were getting a little soft around the middle."

It's as if I have a sign on my forehead that reads, "I'd like to hear your horrible birthing story!" or "Yes, please tell me how my life is doomed!" and my ever-favourite, "Why yes, I'd love you to tell me how my body is changing in accordance to your standards!"

This all stemmed from the gym a few weeks ago. Might I remind you, that this pregnancy has been good to me. I didn't have morning sickness, and I've continued my regular workout plan, with a few tweaks here and there. Sure, I've had my share of unpleasantness (the heat is killing me, my back is sore, I've had terrible headaches, walking up the stairs feels like running a marathon, my ass has increased in size), but overall, when people ask me how I'm feeling, I am not lying when I say that overall, I feel great.

I do wish this water bottle was full of wine, but that's another story.

I was teaching my regular Thursday classes (a Pump class with barbells followed by a class I call SPA- Speed, Power, Agility- lots of HIIT training) and had just finished up an excellent workout. I've been holding out participating in SPA as it is too intense to do while pregnant, plus the Pump class is a killer workout in itself and back-to-back classes are just not happening right now. 

A woman who frequents the gym asked me how I was feeling, yadda yadda. She herself recently had a baby boy, and was telling me about the old wives' tale of "if you're carrying high and all belly, you're having a boy, and if you're carrying in the hips/thighs and just overall wider you're having a girl".

Great, thanks lady. As if I haven't heard that a gazillion times, and that is so old school and irrelevant.

But it wasn't finished there. After telling me that, she decided to guess, that I'm having a girl.

"If you're carrying more in the thighs and hips, and are just wider overall, you're having a girl. So my guess is you're having a girl."

Um, my guess is you're a douchebag.

Who the hell says that? How is that not insulting? How do people not hear the words that come out of their mouths without wanting to reel them back in and slap themselves silly? Between hearing about cracked nipples and stretch marks and screaming children and terrible husbands- and I haven't even gotten to the labour stories that women decide to tell me, as if it's a good idea for a pregnant woman to hear about the massacre that is your vajayjay- I've had it! I am aware that my life is going to change. I am aware that I am basically needed to push a watermelon out of my nose. I understand that it is going to be hard. And I appreciate any advice, but not in a condescending, "just-you-wait" kind of tone. Being pregnant is an exciting milestone for my husband and I, and we are trying to enjoy every second.

Please, for the love of God, stop saying stupid sh*t to pregnant women. Think before you speak. Then, don't speak.

And for the record, even if my hips, thighs, and ass are growing at an exponential rate, we're having a boy.

Yep, a boy. So there.

What's the dumbest thing you've heard said to a pregnant woman?