Over pants.
Yes, I bawled my eyes out, had a freak attack, sunk to the ground in an ugly cry- all over pants.
Let me explain. I've been at a steady weight my entire life. While I gained the freshman 15 and fluctuate between 5-10 pounds on a regular basis, I've never been as heavy as I am right now. I understand I have a child I can blame (get used to it, kid). However, I still have a LONG way to go, and it's just a little bizarre to look at that number on the scale.
By the way, I am not a freak about my weight, and I never have been! It's just that on top of gasping for air when climbing my stairs and reading about women never getting their bodies back, it's a little terrifying.
I also really, really love fashion. I love following trends and pretending to be stylish. It was about time that I purchase maternity clothing, though I dreaded the thought. I'm seeing all the amazing pieces for fall- and I am dying for a great pair of black patent leather pants- or even black skinny jeans with a bit of a shine to them to go with great boots, blazers, and accessories. LOVE.
So I've ventured to a few malls in search of some fall maternity fashion. I've been to three H&Ms and have found some luck- though I have ended up buying a few things from their maternity line, but also a few things that aren't maternity. At the Eaton Centre last week, I bought three pairs of maternity skinny jeans- including a great pair of forest green ones and a pair of dull black ones.
In the mix of all of these were a single pair of the most fabulous black patent skinny jeans, seemingly from last year's collection- in a size 10. I prayed they would fit, but they just wouldn't work (by the way, I could care less what the size on the tag says- it all matters how it fits!).
Fast forward a few days later, I tried another H&M and in the midst of the hideousness that is maternity fashion, there they were- the black patent skinnies... in a size 6!!! It was like my life had been made! I was so excited, I grabbed them and ran to the cash- only to find out they were ON SALE for $20! This day could not get any better. I happened to look at the tag and noticed they were tagged wrong- outside they were tagged as a 6, but inside they were an 8. Which was fine- they would fit. I'd tried the 10 and bought my other skinny jeans from H&M at size 6 or 8, so I was thrilled. I was told it was a final sale, which was great, because I'd be rocking these puppies by the morning.
After squealing to my husband, my Mom, sister, the random stranger in the street- the next day I was so excited to wear them. I was going to be in the most amazing pair of maternity jeans! I'd look hot! I'd be fashionable!
The problem: they wouldn't fit over my hips. I tugged, ripped, pulled, stretched- these things were not budging. There must have been a mistake! I took the pants and compared them to the other jeans I'd bought.
 |
| I don't think this does justice to how FREAKING small these were. |
What. The. Hell. They must have been tagged wrong! I was so disappointed! They were the ONLY pair, and they were final sale. The other stores I'd been to had one pair each, in size 10 and 14. Immediately, tears started pouring out of my eyes like bullets, which I will chalk up to hormones and feeling my fashion sense go out the window. I decided to go for a run. I yanked on my favourite workout capris, only to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see that the pants were basically see-through from stretching so much, and I had major cameltoe. It was not good. I need to start my own workout maternity line because there is NOTHING OUT THERE- so you end up wearing regular yoga pants and making a fool of yourself, at your most vulnerable.
Then, my skin began itching like I had run through a field of poison ivy. Sweating plus squeezing your ass into a pair of too-tight pants, plus your skin stretching at an exponential rate will do that to you. I started scratching obsessively and let out a huge scream before running out the door. It took me about a kilometre to stop the tears from streaming.
I immediately felt better from moving my body. I need to get a grip. I am 6 months pregnant. Things are not going to fit. I am going to gain weight. And here I am... RUNNING. I felt awesome.
Then, as my embarrassing run song ended (Billy Ocean, anyone?) and there was a slight pause in between the next song (likely Tom Jones), I hear a roofer yell something at me.
"Way to go, Big Momma!"
Big Momma.
I couldn't fit into my cool pants.
I need a drink, and I can't have one.
Let's just say my meltdown continued. My poor husband.
Have you ever had one of those days? Have you ever been yelled at while running? How do you deal with a bad day?
